Wonderful things from the UK.............

Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. ArthurPurdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said,
"We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible Mr.
Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that
destroyed his house.".......... says it all, doesn't it...

A list of actual announcements that London Tube drivers have made to their passengers...

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologise for the delay to your service. I know you're all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married to my ex-wife, in which case you'll want to cross over to the Westbound and go in the opposite
direction."
____

"Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller suffering from E & B syndrome: not knowing his elbow from his backside. I'll let you know any further information as soon as I'm given any."
_____

"Let the passengers off the train FIRST!" (Pause.) "Oh go on then, stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I care -- I'm going home...."
_____

"Please move all baggage away from the doors." (Pause..) "Please move ALL belongings away from the doors." (Pause...) "This is a personal message to the man in the brown suit wearing glasses at the rear of the train: Put the pie down, Four-eyes, and move your bloody golf clubs away from the door before I come down there and shove them up your arse sideways!"

I thought we need a bit of levity for the end of a week of sorrows. I hope you enjoyed them, I did!

Good, isn't it.....