My thoughts on news headlines.............

Man shoots himself whilst sleepwalking in Denver:  Oh dear. This is tragic whilst being hilarious. One could arrange sleepwalking parties with BBQ's and weenie roasts.  I always found that to be somewhat misleading. To me, as a child, a weenie was something small boys had, then it progressed to being a Cumberland sausage later on if you were lucky!
The longest snake in captivity dies:  and can you believe it was called Fluffy??? Apparently she weighed 300 pounds and was a recticulated python, which would have been even more interesting if she was an articulated one! Think what she could have come out with!! Quote: " she was an impressive animal," said a curator. I'll say, at 24 feet long she certainly impresses me! She died of a suspected ovarian tumour. Not enough bonking, probably... poor thing. How many handbags will they get from her? Tsk, Tsk...
Pres. Obama spars with Stewart on the Daily Show:  I thought SPAR was a supermarket? What's the Pres. and John doing in one of them? Were they shopping? Most likely for a hand bag... see above...
Coleen and Wayne Rooney looked bored at their holiday by the dunes:  Mais naturellement? What t f would they talk about? His sunburn? Her boob job? His feet, now worth with his legs, the sum of 265,000 pounds per week? I've not said any other bits of him, as everything above his waistline has an IQ of less than the combined IQ's of George Dubbya and Sarah Palin put together, namely 95. What do they drink? Pink concoctions. HHHMMM. If they'd said pink champagne, my favourites being Taittinger or Cristal Roederer, I could forgive them just a smidgeon, however, concoctions? Oh veyah...
Health bosses refuse to pay pregnancy benefits to pregnant woman because the baby was born prematurely: OK: Let's see... should she have sewn herself up to keep the child in?Crossed her legs somewhat more forcefully, or what? How do you keep babies in when they want to come out?? When they decide to move, there isn't a thing you can do about it, guys!! Or do you know something which we mothers don't? IN which case you will make gadzillions of money.
Good, isn't it..........